an unexpected fondness

Laura Theis

I am in your house
the one I always envied you for
all that space
so much space
flooded with light
and so clean
blue shutters on the windows
and that apple tree
with the tiny wood bench

the gardening gloves
the barbecue
the blender
the BMW
the KitchenAid with the pasta extension
everything exists twice
one in full size and
one in miniature for the kids

and now it is late
so late it is early
yet I am not sleeping
I am stuffing my face
with the muesli
you keep in a glass jar
with a small silver shovel
like they do in magazines

maybe I cannot sleep
because somehow this house
is filled with all of your waking nights
your quiet smiling fights
and your infinite patience
with the sorrow the horror
you never speak of
maybe
or maybe I’m making this up
maybe that was just me being hungry

but upon returning
to my own shoebox room
that contains
nothing worth more than a fiver
a year’s worth of dust
and some mould
I surprise myself
by suddenly loving it